By Dana Phillips.

So many of you tell me that you wear your heart on your sleeve.  You can’t seem to hide the emotions you have.  I certainly understand because I am very in tune with my emotions!

Feelings are real!! I used to think that that wasn’t true, that I shouldn’t FEEL a certain way.  I spent a lot of time trying to feel differently when I finally discovered, rather late in life, that the way I think about a situation can change my feelings!

For example, when your child says something mean or hateful, and it hurts, try to think about where they are coming from.  Be curious, “Hmm, I wonder what is causing that reaction?” The feeling of hurt quickly dissipates because you are going to a different part of your brain to observe the situation.

Here is another one, “I am so down and disappointed with my team’s performance.”  Looking at it another way, “What, if anything, can I do to re-energize and re-engage my team?”  Thinking about a situation can move you from fear, disappointment, to solution and hope.

I discovered that while feelings are real, what you do with them can make all the difference.

What is your default action?

  • Run and tell others: Do you dial the phone to another leader or even a team member the minute you get off a difficult conversation? I have found that brings EVERYONE down. My mama used to say, “Misery loves company.”
  • Shutdown: Do you get paralyzed, working and re-working your feelings until you aren’t accomplishing anything.
  • Wear them on your sleeve. Then EVERYONE knows something is wrong and no one is sure if they are the cause of the problem.
  • Hide them: Do you pretend that everything is ok? Do you clam up and shove the feelings down, only to have them rear their ugly head in a few minutes, hours, or days?

Once you identify your default response, it is easier to change the habit.  Start strong with a plan. It may be as simple as breathe, reflect, think, and then decide how to respond.  You are in control, and you don’t have to be a victim, a fixer, or a persecutor (more on that another day).

Being aware that feelings are real, we all have a default response, and managing your thinking will increase your ability to lead others, stay healthy, and be more productive.

At the end of the day, isn’t that what we all want?

Who Partners With You When Your Heart Needs Some Help?

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