By Neil Phillips.
As a coach, I am continually working on my listening skills. All coaches do. We check, repeat, and rephrase our clients’ words to make sure we are hearing them. We work with clients on their listening skills. In business, in families, and in communities, better listening creates better communication.
I’m happy to say that successful direct selling leaders work on their listening. When you focus on understanding your team member (or customer!) in their world, you will grow more successfully.
Peter Drucker once said, “The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn’t said.” I am not sure I would agree that is it the MOST important thing, but I do think that there is merit in using all of our senses to “hear” what is not being said.
Here are three tips you might find useful to determine what is not being said.
- Use all of your senses to listen. Check body language, close your eyes and see the person as they describe a situation. Try to experience the smells, sounds, and touch when the other person is sharing what is happening to them. Picture what is happening to them. One coaching client will sometimes shut her eyes when on the phone so she can create in her mind’s eye a movie of what she is hearing. She says it’s often complete with all of the camera angles, music, and color.
- Avoid autobiographical responses. The more we enter into the other person’s world, the more we leave our own story at the gate. Too often, we make the mistake of filling in what is not being said with our own experience; we rob the other person of the chance to share, and we steal from ourselves the discovery of the other person.
- Listen to the “absents”. What is missing in the picture they are painting for you? There is a story of a person who struggled with getting a promotion. He knew that he did all of the work. He was prompt, showed initiative, and received great reviews on this accuracy. As he told his coach all about the situation, she noticed what was absent. He never mentioned any person, relationship, or conversation in his story. She made the observation; he was stunned and began a conscious journey to work on awareness of people. Now as a senior vice president in a large corporation, he listens to what is being said and what is not being said.
Coaching is dialogue. The more we listen to what is said and what is not said, the more we enhance the dialogue. What do you do to improve your listening?
Want to Hear How Other Leaders Listen with Focus?
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