By Neil Phillips.

We all get stuck.  We hit that point where we are in the sand and our wheels are just spinning.  We can see our fate and just feel like no matter what we do, we will never get out of the muck.

Sound familiar? We all hit that point on little things and just let them go.  They aren’t worth the struggle.  On the other hand, if you need to find a way forward to get to that next trip or promotion or conference recognition, you have to break through.

As a coach, I’m often called on to help a client get unstuck.  One technique that works well is called appreciative dialogue.  The three steps are simple, and you can do them by yourself (although it’s best to have a partner).

Step 1: Box up your situation and put it on a shelf.  You want a clear, sharp picture of moving away from your stuck point.  You are letting go of all your frustration, procrastination, and SOP.  Most people can picture boxing it up. Alternatively, you may leave it on the curb, walk away, or close the door.

Step 2: Describe a time when you created a peak performance.  Say it out loud and use very colorful language and talk about a lot of details.  You may:

  • Think of a time when you were working with a group on a problem, and they would not have succeeded without you.
  • Think of a time when you were operating at full blast, and your world orbited you.
  • Talk about a situation where you made things happen (in a good way).

As the situation unfolds, focus on the details of your role, your participation, and your influence on the positive outcome.  If you have found a situation that has nothing to do with your stuck situation, you have truly put boundaries on the problem and will succeed in finding a way forward.  The peak situation can be about anything.  I had one new corporate director talk about how she successfully sold her house.  Another client in direct sales talked about researching and buying the car of her dreams.  You just never know.

Step 3: Describe how your approach to your peak experience gets you unstuck.  You are going to open the box and apply fresh eyes.  What has happened at this point is your mental pattern has shifted.

  • Rather than thinking about what’s out there, you are thinking about your superpowers.
  • Rather than seeing problems, you are seeing solutions.
  • Rather than being surrounded by your own negativity, you are bathed in their own positivity.

So spend a little time about what’s got you stuck, talk about it, journal about it, do something about it.  Then rev your motor, and get out of the mud!

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